I Am Judas - A Spoken Word for Good Friday

I am Judas,
Aware of my creator,
I’ve stood present in his transcendence
and marveled at his goodness, reveled in his revelations
but caught up in temptations I piled riches higher and higher.
I chose dividends and not dignity,
Fiscal security for my eternity.
For a second I thought I was winning,
til he went to trial and quiet he remained.
And somehow I knew I’d made a huge mistake.

I am Judas,
Torn asunder by my depravity
Face to face with the reality
That I am not as exceptional as that internal voice was telling me
I traded down eternity, played king of the hill on a trash heap
While the author of everything hung on a tree near calvary.
A crown of thorns slicing his brow,
now how do I sound
To tell you this was my doing? Oh the irony
I took a bribe, told a lie,
and now the crown of glory I desire
is laid upon the ash heap of misery.
Oh, woe is me!

I am Judas,
I'm not a Peter.
I’m not strong enough to fight back when the numbers aren’t in my favor.
Man overboard in the waves, that’s not my style nor my behavior.
I’m more calculating, averse to risk-taking, so I took the odds from the house,
Now, look at me.
I bear responsibility, how could I face society
knowing it was my money that turned a rabbi into a thief
and nailed him onto that tree?
Oh, who is He?
Is he the apex of humanity, the focal point of infinity
Self-described as the king of kings, the light for all who could not see
Why can’t I see?
No, I tried to buy nobility, but truth is I’m a liability
Forgive me father, for I have sinned against thee.

I am Judas.
Deplorable, the horrible
Ill-will despondent till
I came unto my senses
Oh the guilt that recompenses
Betrayed the king for thirty pences
Can I try to mend these fences
while haunted by my conscious?
Death and heaven non-responsive to
the sad beat within the depths of my sanity -
That’s gotta be what’s driving me to behave like me
Is a fatal flaw, you see, that I’m born to believe
I was never going to be anything but a foil to thee.
I’m the fang of the snake that bit at your heel.
Would you preserve me, or would you try to fulfill
that first declaration of when you would prevail
against the evils of this world with all its devils filled?
If the choice is being crushed or crushing myself,
I know my own blood I’d rather spill.
Here in this field.
I know what will give me peace.
It’s the desire of my heart to be able to finally cease
the anguish of my soul and the weight of all my grief
Bend on my knees, I believe this simple creed:
What can wash away my sin?
Nothing but the blood of me.

I am Judas.
Not because I picked up the coins
Or kissed his cheek,
But woe is me if I’m not just as guilty.
Religious in the category
of justifying my own behaviors,
Denying he’s done me favors,
I’m calling me a traitor.
Time to look hard in the mirror
Face the darkness that I’m fearing
Fight the sickness I keep feeling
But I’m powerless to excel me.
Is my fate sealed in this destiny?
Oh, who is there to rescue me?
I’m a sinner done and dirtied up
I am Brutus to your Julius -
No, I am Judas to this Jesus.